I’ve reached that last stage of waiting.
My clothes don’t fit, my shoes don’t fit, my gorgeous engagement ring and wedding band hasn’t fit for weeks, moving around is difficult and I’ve actually turned into a somewhat emotional person.
It’s rough I tell you.
I developed Cholestasis, a pregnancy related liver disease that can turn deadly for unborn babies. The little guy is doing great, but I’m on a prescription for the first time in my life to manage it and it’s been a week of back and forth from the doctors office
Earlier this week, a blogger, Jessica Quirk (we’re due the same week!), posted the link to this article. “A Place of In-Between”. And being the 39 week pregnant weepy moose that I am, I just bawled my eyes out and was grateful that it wasn’t just me. The essay was beautifully written and a bit profound, I felt it very deeply.
I’ve never been an “in-between” kinda girl. I’ve said it a million times, I enjoy “having done something” not the doing, not the waiting. Reminding myself to enjoy something, or take my time, gahh, it just drives me up a wall. There’s this line from a Ben Rector (I just think he writes the sweetest love songs) that goes “Life is not the mountain tops, it’s the walking in between”. I try to remember that, to embrace it, but its not so easy for me to live out. I’m pretty sure I’ve written multiple blog posts on this subject already. Sorry, I’m a slow learner.
It’s been a funny week, I’ve baked cookies, made a swaddling wrap blanket, hemmed an old robe into a shorter more delivery/nursing style, non-stop cleaned our apartment, packed and re-packed the birth bags. The other night Josh took me to the mall to walk for a while, got me a pedicure and some fancy gummy bears and then fed me delicious food court food for dinner. I think we’ve had approximately 32 “last suppers” in anticipation of ending up at the hospital later that night.
I thought about including my thoughts on maternity clothing, but as a lady who has never said a swear in her life, I don’t trust myself to start down that road today. NOT A FAN I TELL YOU, NOT A FAN!
Well, I’m off to count some more sporadic contractions, obsess and re-pack the old birth bags and possibly hand-monogram that blanket I made earlier. It’ll help to stave off the crazy, I think.